memories

If only he could sit by me now….. when my heart is in pain

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You never truly appreciate something until it’s gone.

  • The BEST running partner.
  • Amazing secret keeper
  • Handsome & strong
  • Protector of his family
  • Gentle Comforter
  • Best Friend

A running partner that follows your lead, doesn’t interfere with your thoughts/music, and is a silent protector against anyone that could be harmful is my dream partner.  Reuben was that running partner.
He’s sleek, handsome, and muscular.  Very well toned and athletic.  Not many people would mess with me while he’s by my side.
He protected my children with fierceness.  From the minute he laid eyes on them as new born babes…he knew that he was to protect those children.  He had his eyes on anyone that held them, and often sat right next to those folks.  Reuben went everywhere the kids went, and they grew accustomed to his presence being with them at all times.  They knew he was their protector.  He was the same with me and I was comforted knowing he would die before he allowed someone to hurt us.
In times of sadness, Reuben sat quietly near.  Often times leaning into me, encouraging me to lean on him for his gentle support.  He knew when our hearts needed love, when our spirits were broken, and when we just needed a soul close to us.  He was the ears that would listen to all my pain and he never judged.  He continued to love me regardless of the mistakes I made and he never told another soul my thoughts/emotions or how I do the ‘happy dance’ when the kids got on the bus.  It was our secret.  I trusted him completely.
He was my best friend.  He was my 11.5 year old Weimeraner (dog), Reuben.

I had to say ‘good-bye’ to my best friend this weekend.  I knew he was in pain & I saw the deterioration taking place in his brain.  I tried everything within our means to heal him and take his discomfort away.  He was a very confused old dog… with significant back pain and could not lay down and often was found gazing into space.  When muscle relaxers, pain meds, and steroids weren’t helping him in the least, and he looked at me with very sad eyes and ears tucked tightly to his head….. I knew it was time to release him from his pain.  I always thought it was cruel to euthanize a pet.  I never fully understood and I felt it was selfish.  Now, I see that it would have been selfish to continue making him live with incredible back pain and brain confusion.  His heart was strong….but his brain and back were failing him.  I held my best friend’s face in my hands and kissed him as he drifted off to sleep.  His body was finally calm, pain removed, and yet I was in immense pain. It was as if his back pain moved right inside my heart.
It’s been 3 days now and I cont. to miss him dearly.  I feel like a child as much as I’ve cried over my dog, and I wish the tears would cease.  I had gotten into a pattern of feeding him each day, letting him out the back door, giving him ice cubes when I got my water, spending quiet evenings after everyone else went to sleep watching our favorite TV shows, and checking on him before I went to bed after I checked on the kids.  All that is gone.  Just gone.  No more loud nails on the tile, no more slurping of water from the utility room, and no more loud sighs while he laid in the chair.  It’s too quiet.  It’s a constant reminder of my ole’ friend.
His paw prints are still in the snow at the back door.  I look at them often during the day….. and I know that once they are gone, I will have nothing left but memories.  Memories are good…. and they are many.  He lived an amazing life with us and we spoiled him rotten.  He was one of the few Weimeraners that was very well trained & calm.  I was very proud of him.

I never realized I would miss his constant noises until now….. when they are gone.  I never realized an adult could miss her 4-legged companion as much as I do.  I loved my dog, but not sure I TRULY appreciated even his annoying habits until now…. when he’s gone.  I’d love for him to nudge my hand (often times, he’d nudge my chest too….he was a ‘male’ after all) in an effort to make me pet his head just one more time.  But then again, would that ‘one more time’ be enough?  No.
Isn’t it amazing how animals can teach us so many lessons?  Isn’t is amazing how the human and animal world can unite and form such strong bonds??
If only he could sit by me now….. when my heart is in pain…..and provide me with that quiet strength that he possessed. It brings me comfort to believe he’s playing with my children in heaven.  He’s their dog now……and one day we will all be reunited.

Lydia's phone 1-26-14 022

“Look Mom, NO HANDS!”

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Can a workout bring back childhood memories, make you reminisce, and be truly enjoyable?  Mine just did!! 

My 4.5 year old daughter learned a week ago how to ride a 2 wheel bike.  And, she does it very well!!!!  Watching her learn how to balance herself on 2 wobbly wheels and then get more steady as her self-confidence grew reminded me of when I learned to ride a bike.  When I realized my Dad had let go of the seat, I got nervous and drove right into the bushes and bumped the house!  I was upset with him then….but now I laugh about what a great memory that is for me.

Fast forward to today.  I am very active and love sports/fitness.  I have had 3 weeks off training for a half marathon and decided it would be good for my body to take some time off of distance running.  My longest run over the past few weeks was probably about 4 miles.  Otherwise, I’ve been doing Les Mills Pump workouts, swimming, P90X workouts, core strengthening, and stretching.  Thanks to my friends posting on their facebook pages and on the health/accountability page I created for friends about their bike riding miles along with my daughter learning to ride…..it motivated me.  I decided it would be good to add biking to my cross training.

I literally just got off my bike tonight.  I rode for 6.28 miles on running paths and country roads.  It was incredibly magnificent and I loved every bit of it (even though I still think running up a hill is easier than biking….YIKES!). I felt the burn in my quads as I rode up some steep hills, enjoyed the breeze in my face from the bike, had a chat with God, remembered what it was like to be a kid and witnessed a beautiful sunset.

I started off listening to my IPod, and then shut it off, realizing I didn’t need it.  When running, I use music to mask my breathing so that mentally I don’t stress myself out.  I also use it to distract me from the mileage.  I was able to recover well with my breathing while on the bike after hills, and therefore didn’t want the music.  Once I turned off the music, I was taken back to my childhood and reminded of the old country road behind my Grandma and Grandpa’s house (where I had my first kiss while on a bike ride!).  I could hear the sound of gravel crackling under the bike tires just like 25 years ago.  I remember, as a kid, trying to pop the tar bubbles on the country roads with my bike tires.  Tonight, the birds were singing, cars randomly cruised by, I smelled someone starting a campfire, and the sky was a magnificent pale blue as the wispy clouds glared pink and purple shades thanks to a gorgeous sunset.  I literally was a kid again……smiling and enjoying a bike ride.  I spooked a deer who was munching in a bean field and it bounced away with its white tail straight up.  Geese flew low and into the pond.  All this that I was able to experience while on a bike, vs. running.  When running, I focus on my technique, breathing, mileage, and am looking forward to the next mile completed.  On the bike, I was having fun.  I was not out for a leisurely ride, it was a good workout, which made it that much better!

The only thing I did as a kid that I was unable to do the past few rides, was to ride without hands.  I used to be able to steer my 10 speed bike (I thought a 10 speed was the BEST thing back then) with my legs and core.  I attempted tonight, but only for a split second, and then laughed out loud as I could not do it.  My children have not attempted that yet, and I don’t think it has crossed their young minds……but soon I’m sure I’ll be hearing, “Look Mom, no hands!”  🙂

Cross training doesn’t have to be a chore.  It can be fun, enjoyable……….and take you right back to being 11 years old again.  During this busy life, you can bet I’ll be out there again…..losing myself in a ride and being a kid.  Exercise is just as good mentally and emotionally as it is physically for your body.

(To learn more about cross-training or some of the workout programs I do, feel free to contact me at Bashford.lisa@yahoo.com or simply go to my website:  www.YourFitness-411.com )