“What if I squeezed myself into any shape
And I still don’t fit?
What if I bend myself so much that I break
And I can’t mend it?
What if I burn so bright that the fire goes out
And I can’t stay lit?
What’s the point in it?
I could get good at crying crocodiles tears
Just to get along.
I could carry on telling you what you wanna hear
Till my voice is gone.
But if I finally get to the place that I think is home
And I don’t belong.
What’s the point in it, where’s the benefit
When I’m gaining all but I’m losing it?”
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This is a powerful song by Natasha Bedingfield that has helped me through many tough situations in my life. A friend introduced me to this song years ago….and it makes me re-evaluate my choices and thoughts and helps to re-direct my mind to stay on the path I want to be on.

For the first time in a very long time…..I’ve found myself in an unwarranted emotional situation. The details aren’t important….but the emotional rampage my mind & soul have been going through is taking a toll on my daily routine. I haven’t experienced this emotional roller-coaster since beginning my fitness journey about 5 years ago.

As a coach, when people tell me they have fallen off the fitness train because of a tough situation….whether it be a death in the family, house fire, divorce, ill parent, loss of job, or just life in general —— I would respond with “Exercise increases your mood and helps to beat stress – you can do this!” And I still believe that and stand by those words.
Honestly…… that’s why I do a lot of running. I started running because I found the therapeutic aspect of it to be attractive. I felt better, I looked better, it was time to myself, I could work out my problems and pray during those long miles. The endorphin rush after a long run was powerful (Either that or I was just too damn tired to care after a long run!) But, it’s well known that running is a natural antidepressant, and I found that to be true. It helped me beat the stresses of being a Mother, Sister, Daughter, Wife…….and allowed me to focus on ME.

I tell you this because the past 10 days have been absolutely insane in my world. New information about health and relationships have left me feeling lost and broken.
Because of this, I have missed many workouts this week and lost my appetite. That alone speaks volumes because I love to exercise!!  I’ve gotten my workout clothes on, drank pre-workout beverage, and just couldn’t do it. The thought of food made me want to vomit and I wasn’t hungry. Can you relate to this?? I surely cannot be the only one!
As a therapist and nutritionist, I KNOW my choices were not healthy or helping me to heal in any shape or form mentally, emotionally, or physically.

The million dollar question I get asked is = “If I don’t feel like it, how do I do it?”
That’s a pretty general question and I typically say….. “You just do it. Dig deep and tell me when the workout is completed because I cannot wait to hear how it went and how you feel after!”

But there’s a difference between that question and “When you don’t emotionally feel well and can’t find the motivation from within, how do you do it??”

This is a question I will now be answering differently. I’m learning from experience the deep gut feeling where you REALLY don’t want to (or just can’t) from emotions. I’m not sure all the answers and because it’s not a black/white problem with black/white answers……..it’s going to be different for everyone.  I will be able to pull from my experience and understand my clients better!  And….that will continue to make me a coach worthy of helping others because I can relate on many levels and am very realistic to today’s busy family lifestyles.

I used to find motivation in my Instagram feed because it is filled with workout pics and bodies getting stronger. That’s all it used to take to make me think, “Hell, if they can do it then so can I!!”
But…. My mind has been saying this week,  “Good for them….. Screw it.”  (Once again, I know some of you are relating to me!)

I have missed about 4 workouts this week and that is 4 too many. The workouts I have done are only 2-3 miles at a time on the treadmill in my basement and half-assed. I have lost 4-5 lbs. and I am NOT happy about it (even though my goal is a total of 10 more).

What’s my point to all this?? Just to let you know experience is teaching me to be a better fitness/health coach and showing you that life happens to all of us. Stress and heartache happen to everyone, no one is superhuman.

Today’s Goal: I WILL actually go to the gym today and get a workout in which includes cardio and weights. That FREE tanning bed is sounding pretty nice right now too!

I know I am strong enough to get through this, although there’s a little voice in my head questioning it. It’s not pretty, but I have some amazing friends that support me and my faith is a blessing. I truly believe everything happens for a reason…and right now that reason is something only God knows. But, if I’m not going to help myself, I cannot complain about it either.
I’m learning to not allow negativity (situations and people) stop me from doing what I love to do.

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“Don’t wanna end up like pirate bones
What I thought was treasures is just a pile of stones.
I might have to judge it, better be lying alone
Pirate bones.
If I forfeit my soul it ain’t worth having.
If it’s something I stole, it ain’t worth having.
It’s not worth that much to me
If losing out is what it means
This way means shallow victory
Is empty, empty.
It’s just not worth the prize
It’s only a fool’s paradise
If it’s draining every drop of lies
Till I’m dry, lie, pirate bones.”

Natasha Bedingfield – Pirate Bones

If you are struggling with your weight, food, or exercise routine…. I urge you to contact me.
I’m a fitness challenge Specialist and love it!  30 minute workouts, nutrition plan, shopping list, motivation, support group ………everything you need to see positive changes.  Find me & send me a message at www.facebook.com/YourFItnessInfo