Nearly 12 years ago, I had a new little 3lbs. 15 ounce baby boy who was fighting for a normal life at 32 weeks old. I had no control over what was happening to him.
As I sat next to his little ‘glass box’ for hours at a time staring at him breath with wires and machines surrounding us – I was also thinking about my body and if I was ever going to get it back. I felt horrible….emotionally and physically.

Over the next 5 weeks of going to the NICU I hated my new ‘Mom’ body yet stopped by the Zestos seasonal ice cream drive-thru to get my daily blackberry smoothie to calm my nerves.
Does that make sense??
No – but at that time nothing made sense.
Why would God allow my baby to come early and create this fight for him, for us, and make me so worried/sad that I wanted to vomit everyday? I had no control over what was happening to my son, so I controlled my ‘wants’ with a blackberry smoothie. Damn, they were really good too!!
And, I’ll usually get one a summer because they are tasty, but they always remind me of those scary times. I don’t know why I still do that to myself?
Maybe it’s to remind myself to be thankful because Jacob survived those days and the ONLY reminder is a coil in his heart which does not limit him from activities. I’d like to think it’s to remind myself to be thankful.

I really hated my body then and sometimes I still get irritated when I look in the mirror. It never seems to change fast enough!!! I hated how I felt in clothes and how I tried to conspicuously camouflage my stomach. I hated how I felt jiggly and was not the tight and toned athlete I used to be.
Then I had 2 miscarriages and my body seriously went to hell. I was envious of the other Moms who didn’t have pregnancy issues and looked amazing 12 weeks after delivery. I got pregnant a fourth time and ,y baby girl, Lydia, entered my life.
A full term gorgeous baby girl with dark black curly hair, full lips, and big blue eyes.
I knew then that I was done having children. I wasn’t pressing my luck any more!
AND….. therefore it was time to get my body back.
I wanted my husband and children to be proud of me and how could I allow them to be if I wasn’t proud of myself? I do not believe in the “I’m a Mommy now so I must look like one” theory. I wanted to be a fit and feisty mom that was active and my kids could brag about.
I tried joining the YMCA and fad diets, but all I ever got was frustrations and disappointment. At first I thought if I stopped taking in so much food that the fat would melt off. I was wrong. I had no one to help me through it and was too embarrassed to talk to my friends about my weight. Can you relate? Is that normal?
I saw an infomercial on TV and quietly ordered the workouts. I did a few weeks of them without much success and frankly…..it bored me.
So, time to try something a little more challenging. I needed solid motivation and to start a real weight loss program. I ordered P90X , started using Shakeology for a quick nutritional drink, and joined Team Beachbody so I had a free coach who knew what she was doing to push me and answer my questions.
On my bad days, I reached out to her.
On my good days I reached out to her.

I lost 15 pounds and more importantly, FELT BETTER.
I’ve learned that self confidence and having energy without making poor food choices is the BEST FEELING EVER.
I started running, joined races, ordered more Beachbody home workouts (I now own over 16 programs) and even when I fail …. Which I do daily……. I fail forward.
I had knee surgery last spring which despite my best efforts created a few extra pounds that I’m struggling to get off. Stress and lack of sleep are the culprits —- I know that for sure!

My fate was NOT to be a “typical Mom” who complained about her body and was jealous of others. It sucked many days but I had to choose my ‘DIFFICULT.’
It is difficult to: be fat and it’s difficult to workout each day and eat better.
—->> But one difficult is worth it and the other is just a waste of time and annoying for others to hear you talk about wishing you were smaller.
Some things in life we have NO control over —- such as a preemie baby or miscarriages.
Other things we have ALL the control over — such as what you’re putting in your food hole each day.
** Reminds me of this sweet little prayer I have plastered all over my house:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Create your change. Change your difficult.
Do it now before it’s too late and do it so you love yourself for fighting each day to be better than yesterday. The fight is worth it.
My son and I running his first 5K a couple years ago. 🙂






























