fitness

Saying Goodbye to the fake smile & social media image

/ YourFitness-411 / 5 Comments

Some of you have noticed the change happening in my life & on my social media pages.
Others don’t follow close enough to notice….. but you should! 🙂 Keep reading for raw, sincere truth & the process of change.

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After 18 months, Im finally comfortable enough to start sharing my new life & I think you deserve the authentic ‘Lisa.’

I find it VERY important that I help you to understand this isn’t just a ‘feel good – motivate you’ health & wellness page.
At least not any more.  

This has morphed into a ‘get out of your own head & let’s get real’ health & wellness page.

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You see…… for years I lived in a marriage where we weren’t truly happy but made it look amazing to others. That’s not living a life of authenticity.

We were the perfect family with 1 son & 1 daughter, made good money, lived in a beautiful house, drove new vehicles, never had a bad reputation, kept discrepancies hidden, and had pretty yet fake smiles.

I wasa physical therapist & he an engineer & our children were attractive with good grades & natural athletes. (The kids still are exactly that but now getting pre-teen attitudes. Gonna be a rough next few years). đŸ˜«đŸ™„

The truth was that was just the image we were portraying.

Why did I feel the stress to portray such a perfect image?

I have yet to figure that out
 But i assume the pressure of society had a good deal to do with it. Yet… it was far from the truth.

Behind closed doors we were living a life of loneliness yet trying to raise our minis in a happy home. Kids are smart & have great intuition – they knew we weren’t happy regardless of the fake smiles.

Someone in the family once told me that our relationship was ‘doable’ so I should stay. I suppose it was……. but it wasn’t authentic & not how I was raised. I was raised in a home where you speak your mind, stand up for each other, learn to forgive, & love hard. My parents were always holding hands, dancing in the kitchen, & although they had arguments, I saw them love each other thru them vs ignore them. They taught us how to apologize & agree to disagree.

I found myself unable to forgive my husband for words & actions. I couldn’t move forward, I felt ignored and as if no one had my back, and therefore my relationships with my parents/siblings started to struggle too.
I became internally an angry, burnt out mom hiding behind a false image & pretty smile.

That’s when I began running.
It was my peaceful oasis – I ran to escape my feelings, reality, being a parent & then I found myself praying & crying during my marathon training runs.
Professional marriage counseling was a blessing & I learned a lot but making my body push hard & run long distance was my saving grace. It gave me a workout high & relieved stress not to mention strengthened my relationship with God on a few levels.

Yet….. home life continued to not be what I thought it should be. I wanted to hold someone’s hand & wake up to morning hugs. I wanted to be told I’m loved & felt appreciated. I wanted him to fear losing ME. I didn’t want ‘doable’…. I wanted more. I think he did too.

Then, dynamics changed (I’m not going to be an angry person & dish details) but I couldn’t handle it & filed for divorce. I kept it a big secret because I was embarrassed & felt like I had failed. Honestly…. I’m not used to failing at anything so it was very tough for me to admit I was going through a divorce. Much of my small home town & family didn’t realize what I was going through. I kept it very low key.

The divorce itself was easy. No lawyers. We met with a private mediator to have the paperwork drawn up. Emotionally I was a mess, but I’m good at compartmentalizing so only my inner circle of friends new my struggles. My parents didn’t even know when the divorce was finalized.

We lived together 2 months after the divorce to help eachother get our feet on the ground…..I wasn’t angry anymore & I knew I was going to feel freedom soon so it wasn’t that bad.

Since the divorce – my relationship with my Mom had gotten much better, my kids have been more open with their feelings & showing love with hugs & cuddles, I’ve found out how strong I am & that I can do all the lawn work & fix the garbage disposal on my own!!

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I struggle some days & fail often with words & actions. I cry more than I ever have but think of those tears as soul cleansers vs weakness. I’m not afraid to show the tears anymore.

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I’ve grown a lot & I now know that the actions & words I needed weren’t only dreams & wishes. People actually kiss, hug, talk about deep topics, & wake up happy!!

Long story….. but it leads me to this.

  • I’m authentic now.
  • No fake smiles but real ones.
  • I’m not afraid to cry or feel pain.
  • I got the tattoo I always wanted & live by my rules.
  • I curse. Im sassy. I love hard & care deeply —– and that’s ok!!
  • I have a dirty mind & don’t apologize for it.
  • I eat nachos & wings. I like beer & tequila.
  • I yell at my kids sometimes. (Bedtime when they won’t go to bed until they push my buttons every damn night).
  • I like my quiet days when the kids are with their dad.
  • I still workout nearly daily & eat well 80% of the time.
  • I have 10-12 more pounds I want to lose.
  • I’m not perfect & it’s ok.
  • I wake up with huge wild bed head & sometimes look like hell.
  • I make no apologies for being REAL these days & this page will reflect my real life & self in hopes of helping you to not feel pressured to live that ‘social media perfect life’ either!!

If you don’t like it….. I’m ok with that.
I’m a single mom doing it my way & working as a therapist, sports nutritionist, small business owner, & coaching others to be entrepreneurs with me so we can all succeed. I’m a successful Team Beachbody coach & did I mention I’m not afraid of hard work??

You’ll see my unfiltered thoughts & words….. I’ll probably offend some people & my mom will shake her head wondering what kind of woman she raised at times. Lol!!

But…. my social media biz pages are my life as a single parent succeeding through failing forward & teaching others the info & techniques I know to lose weight & be better athletes. I connect well with people of all ages & possess a lot of internal positive energy.

Above all……. my SMILE is genuine now.  Hence my new team & business motto:

Sweat, SMILE, Eat & Repeat. 💕

img_1757I hope you’ll appreciate the unfiltered authenticity & genuine person I am these days!!! If not….. so be it. I’ll still be A-Ok!

Reflect & question yourself….. are you being authentic with yourself? Your family? Your life?  Why not?

Leave a comment with your authentic feelings regarding what’s holding you back from showing your genuine self to the world!!

Choose your “Difficult.”

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Nearly 12 years ago, I had a new little 3lbs. 15 ounce baby boy who was fighting for a normal life at 32 weeks old. I had no control over what was happening to him.
As I sat next to his little ‘glass box’ for hours at a time staring at him breath with wires and machines surrounding us – I was also thinking about my body and if I was ever going to get it back. I felt horrible….emotionally and physically.

Jacob preemie pic

Over the next 5 weeks of going to the NICU I hated my new ‘Mom’ body yet stopped by the Zestos seasonal ice cream drive-thru to get my daily blackberry smoothie to calm my nerves.
Does that make sense??
No – but at that time nothing made sense.
Why would God allow my baby to come early and create this fight for him, for us, and make me so worried/sad that I wanted to vomit everyday? I had no control over what was happening to my son, so I controlled my ‘wants’ with a blackberry smoothie. Damn, they were really good too!!
And, I’ll usually get one a summer because they are tasty, but they always remind me of those scary times. I don’t know why I still do that to myself?
Maybe it’s to remind myself to be thankful because Jacob survived those days and the ONLY reminder is a coil in his heart which does not limit him from activities. I’d like to think it’s to remind myself to be thankful.

jacob preemie with me

I really hated my body then and sometimes I still get irritated when I look in the mirror.  It never seems to change fast enough!!!  I hated how I felt in clothes and how I tried to conspicuously camouflage my stomach. I hated how I felt jiggly and was not the tight and toned athlete I used to be.

Then I had 2 miscarriages and my body seriously went to hell. I was envious of the other Moms who didn’t have pregnancy issues and looked amazing 12 weeks after delivery. I got pregnant a fourth time and ,y baby girl, Lydia, entered my life.
A full term gorgeous baby girl with dark black curly hair, full lips, and big blue eyes.
I knew then that I was done having children. I wasn’t pressing my luck any more!

AND
.. therefore it was time to get my body back.

I wanted my husband and children to be proud of me and how could I allow them to be if I wasn’t proud of myself?  I do not believe in the “I’m a Mommy now so I must look like one” theory. I wanted to be a fit and feisty mom that was active and my kids could brag about.

I tried joining the YMCA and fad diets, but all I ever got was frustrations and disappointment. At first I thought if I stopped taking in so much food that the fat would melt off.  I was wrong.  I had no one to help me through it and was too embarrassed to talk to my friends about my weight. Can you relate? Is that normal?

I saw an infomercial on TV and quietly ordered the workouts. I did a few weeks of them without much success and frankly…..it bored me.
So, time to try something a little more challenging. I needed solid motivation and to start a real weight loss program. I ordered P90X , started using Shakeology for a quick nutritional drink, and joined Team Beachbody so I had a free coach who knew what she was doing to push me and answer my questions.
On my bad days, I reached out to her.
On my good days I reached out to her.

Beachbody before after

 

I lost 15 pounds and more importantly, FELT BETTER.
I’ve learned that self confidence and having energy without making poor food choices is the BEST FEELING EVER.
I started running, joined races, ordered more Beachbody home workouts (I now own over 16 programs) and even when I fail 
. Which I do daily

. I fail forward.
I had knee surgery last spring which despite my best efforts created a few extra pounds that I’m struggling to get off. Stress and lack of sleep are the culprits —- I know that for sure!

Lisa Phone September 2014 soccer, family picnic, class reunion 2076

My fate was NOT to be a “typical Mom” who complained about her body and was jealous of others. It sucked many days but I had to choose my ‘DIFFICULT.’
It is difficult to: be fat and it’s difficult to workout each day and eat better.

—->> But one difficult is worth it and the other is just a waste of time and annoying for others to hear you talk about wishing you were smaller.

Some things in life we have NO control over —- such as a preemie baby or miscarriages.
Other things we have ALL the control over — such as what you’re putting in your food hole each day.

** Reminds me of this sweet little prayer I have plastered all over my house:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Create your change. Change your difficult. 
Do it now before it’s too late and do it so you love yourself for fighting each day to be better than yesterday. The fight is worth it.
IMG_3463My son and I running his first 5K a couple years ago. 🙂

The million dollar question…

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“What if I squeezed myself into any shape
And I still don’t fit?
What if I bend myself so much that I break
And I can’t mend it?
What if I burn so bright that the fire goes out
And I can’t stay lit?
What’s the point in it?
I could get good at crying crocodiles tears
Just to get along.
I could carry on telling you what you wanna hear
Till my voice is gone.
But if I finally get to the place that I think is home
And I don’t belong.
What’s the point in it, where’s the benefit
When I’m gaining all but I’m losing it?”
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This is a powerful song by Natasha Bedingfield that has helped me through many tough situations in my life. A friend introduced me to this song years ago
.and it makes me re-evaluate my choices and thoughts and helps to re-direct my mind to stay on the path I want to be on.

For the first time in a very long time
..I’ve found myself in an unwarranted emotional situation. The details aren’t important
.but the emotional rampage my mind & soul have been going through is taking a toll on my daily routine. I haven’t experienced this emotional roller-coaster since beginning my fitness journey about 5 years ago.

gym - emotionsAs a coach, when people tell me they have fallen off the fitness train because of a tough situation….whether it be a death in the family, house fire, divorce, ill parent, loss of job, or just life in general —— I would respond with “Exercise increases your mood and helps to beat stress – you can do this!” And I still believe that and stand by those words.
Honestly

 that’s why I do a lot of running. I started running because I found the therapeutic aspect of it to be attractive. I felt better, I looked better, it was time to myself, I could work out my problems and pray during those long miles. The endorphin rush after a long run was powerful (Either that or I was just too damn tired to care after a long run!) But, it’s well known that running is a natural antidepressant, and I found that to be true. It helped me beat the stresses of being a Mother, Sister, Daughter, Wife

.and allowed me to focus on ME.

I tell you this because the past 10 days have been absolutely insane in my world. New information about health and relationships have left me feeling lost and broken.
Because of this, I have missed many workouts this week and lost my appetite. That alone speaks volumes because I love to exercise!!  I’ve gotten my workout clothes on, drank pre-workout beverage, and just couldn’t do it. The thought of food made me want to vomit and I wasn’t hungry. Can you relate to this?? I surely cannot be the only one!
As a therapist and nutritionist, I KNOW my choices were not healthy or helping me to heal in any shape or form mentally, emotionally, or physically.

The million dollar question I get asked is = “If I don’t feel like it, how do I do it?”
That’s a pretty general question and I typically say
.. “You just do it. Dig deep and tell me when the workout is completed because I cannot wait to hear how it went and how you feel after!”

But there’s a difference between that question and “When you don’t emotionally feel well and can’t find the motivation from within, how do you do it??”

This is a question I will now be answering differently. I’m learning from experience the deep gut feeling where you REALLY don’t want to (or just can’t) from emotions. I’m not sure all the answers and because it’s not a black/white problem with black/white answers

..it’s going to be different for everyone.  I will be able to pull from my experience and understand my clients better!  And….that will continue to make me a coach worthy of helping others because I can relate on many levels and am very realistic to today’s busy family lifestyles.

I used to find motivation in my Instagram feed because it is filled with workout pics and bodies getting stronger. That’s all it used to take to make me think, “Hell, if they can do it then so can I!!”
But
. My mind has been saying this week,  “Good for them
.. Screw it.”  (Once again, I know some of you are relating to me!)

I have missed about 4 workouts this week and that is 4 too many. The workouts I have done are only 2-3 miles at a time on the treadmill in my basement and half-assed. I have lost 4-5 lbs. and I am NOT happy about it (even though my goal is a total of 10 more).

What’s my point to all this?? Just to let you know experience is teaching me to be a better fitness/health coach and showing you that life happens to all of us. Stress and heartache happen to everyone, no one is superhuman.

Today’s Goal: I WILL actually go to the gym today and get a workout in which includes cardio and weights. That FREE tanning bed is sounding pretty nice right now too!

love myself enough to exercise

I know I am strong enough to get through this, although there’s a little voice in my head questioning it. It’s not pretty, but I have some amazing friends that support me and my faith is a blessing. I truly believe everything happens for a reason
and right now that reason is something only God knows. But, if I’m not going to help myself, I cannot complain about it either.
I’m learning to not allow negativity (situations and people) stop me from doing what I love to do.

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“Don’t wanna end up like pirate bones
What I thought was treasures is just a pile of stones.
I might have to judge it, better be lying alone
Pirate bones.
If I forfeit my soul it ain’t worth having.
If it’s something I stole, it ain’t worth having.
It’s not worth that much to me
If losing out is what it means
This way means shallow victory
Is empty, empty.
It’s just not worth the prize
It’s only a fool’s paradise
If it’s draining every drop of lies
Till I’m dry, lie, pirate bones.”

Natasha Bedingfield – Pirate Bones

If you are struggling with your weight, food, or exercise routine…. I urge you to contact me.
I’m a fitness challenge Specialist and love it!  30 minute workouts, nutrition plan, shopping list, motivation, support group ………everything you need to see positive changes.  Find me & send me a message at www.facebook.com/YourFItnessInfo

“But, getting fit and healthy is expensive!”

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187743878185781056_3kP4SblL_b“I want to lose weight and focus on my health, but it’s so expensive!! I can’t justify buying Shakeology or a home workout,”

I hear this often…..and I promise you CAN afford it!!
It’s worth EVERY SINGLE DIME.
Why? Because the support you get from ME for as long as you need is worth it!! I’m educated and have experience to help you. Along with the fact that you are making your body healthier every single day…. WORTH IT.

If you break a bone or get diagnosed with a disease (autoimmune disease in my case: Ulcerative Colitis)…. you will heal faster and it will knock you down LESS if you take care of yourself!! And let’s face it…… too many people don’t know how to properly take care of themselves. Let me tell you…. I’ve seen some awful food journals that people think are healthy. #Cringe
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Here are some thoughts:

  • Put it on your Christmas list and send those people to me. www.facebook.com/YourFitnessInfo
  •  It is an investment in your health… Along with 30 days worth of one meal a day. You’d spend that on food alone!! Might as well be something healthy and good for you! You’ll stop buying the junk snacks because you won’t want them anymore!! Money Saved.
  • A challenge pack is the same price as a couple new outfits which only cover the parts of your body you don’t like. If you worked out and used shakeology to help with nutrition and calorie intake- you could fit into your ‘skinny clothes’ and it would be like a new wardrobe!
  • They are expensive, that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it!!! Buying a house is expensive but that doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s a good investment!!
  • I’m FREE. I’ll help you tweak the program!! And… if you fear committing to a ‘program’…. Don’t!! Use the workouts here and there to add to your fitness! Same with Shakeology! Put it in your cupboard and it’s a healthy meal anytime you want it!
  • You are a grown up. You can afford to take care of yourself and make ONE purchase for YOU.
  • Make dinner at home 2-3x vs. going out and you have the $$. Sacrifice just a little.
  • If you’ll allow me…. I’ll show off your amazing progress (cause you will make some) for you!!! You can be in one of my marketing posts!! #Model
  • I guarantee you’ll buy something this season that you either won’t use, won’t wear, will break within a month, or bores you. These programs last for years. So….. you’ll always have an opportunity to push play & beat the stress of life.

Just shoot me a message when you’re ready to see you options!!  You know how to reach me!!!
Contact me and I’ll send you a FREE downloadable Fitness Tracker!!! 
Just print & place in binder — it’s like having a personal trainer at your fingertips!  

It NEVER hurts to review your options & see if I have a program that is right for you!!!
And…with a ’30 day full refund’ option if you aren’t happy….. how can you go wrong?
Bashford.Lisa@yahoo.com
happy life close up

To learn more about me or what I can do for you (AKA: stalk me in a good way), please visit www.YourFitness-411.com